ext_42662 ([identity profile] liralen.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] liralen 2010-06-29 11:16 pm (UTC)

Right on that C-... I think.

I think I found my own cycle of self-denial with the whole fanfiction thing... that to be popular meant getting comments... not just hits, and when I started getting fewer and fewer comments, I just.... stopped.

When I finally got back on the Twin Souls bandwagon it was for the love of the story itself. Just like with Winter War... I loved the stories, and really, really wanted to just write Byakuya the way I felt he ought to be written. To be true to the character, not the way I knew fangirls *wanted* him portrayed. And it amuses me that once I disconnected from "writing for comments" that I got more comments on that Byakuya piece than I have on anything else.

Writing a book that can't be shown to anyone, can't get my ego fed online has been quite the experience. I loved it. I loved *doing* it. And I'm realizing I want to do more because I so enjoyed the experience of doing it itself. I might get paid, I might get popular, but I don't *care* as the writing, itself, was so sweet.

So I hear you...

I was writing to get my ego fed, and found it never fed me as much as I thought I wanted. But writing for the writing's sake has really helped me feel better about it than anything else has...

*laughs*

And, yes, to that last. I agree fully. I hope you get there!!

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