(no subject)

[liralen]

I'm in an awful mood at the moment. Some of it is that I've been having more 'interesting' conversations with my sister. Some of it is a lack of sleep. Some if it is that I'm sore from exercising Wednesday night, still. Some of it is just feeling trapped.

Trapped by work, trapped by Jet, trapped by a life that's so simple and often alone. I know some of that feeling stems from really, really wanting to see XXX this weekend and knowing that it's going to be a hassle trying to find a babysitter for Jet.

Plus the feeling that I 'shouldn't' be feeling trapped because it's a great life in many ways, and I love Jet and John and my job, which is part of why I'm still at them.

It helps to know that both feelings can exist at the same time and even if they contradict, it's not a contradiction of self-worth anymore. That's a useful thing.

Just headachy, too, as I've been having problems getting comfortable at night. I've been grinding my teeth a lot at night, and it's giving me headaches even with my night guard. I've also been wrestling with my buckwheat hull pillow and finding it hard to sleep on, recently. Bah.

To the good side, my parents mailed John and I a 15th anniversary present, early, and it got here yesterday and it's brand, spanking new toaster oven, with timer bake, and a cool toasting button you push down and it just goes as long as you set the darkness of the toast. I baked a personal sized Dutch baby in it this morning and it puffed beautifully, no burns anywhere, and it browned perfectly evenly. The heating element's really, really nice and even. I'm very impressed. This means that cookie baking is possible, and it won't just scorch the hell out them. Oster made it and it's big enough to fit a 9 inch pie, so I won't have to heat up the house just to bake something small.

That should be very useful.

It's also just really cool to get a gift that really make a difference to *both* John and I in our everyday lives. That Mom and Dad have gotten to know us that well is a very neat thing.

Comments

just an fyi.

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

feeling trapped by your kid doesn't make you a bad mommy. It makes you a mommy. And yeah, it's possible to acknowledge that your life is great in many, many ways, and still feel resentful at the ways in which it is difficult. That's not contradictory, that's healthy.

Re: just an fyi.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks! I like to think of it as being healthy, but it's good to get the outside stamp of approval. I'm getting better at this, I think.

[niherlas.livejournal.com]

Baked dutch babies? Liralen!

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Personal, even!! Eat 'em up, yum! Otherwise known as The Original Pancake of the Original Pancake House; but much, much, much smaller.

1 egg
1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup flour

Heat oven and either a cast iron skillet or a Pyrex pan in the oven until hot. Add a teaspoon of butter to the pan, shake to coat the bottom. I like to put it back into the heat until the butter is brown and nutty scented, and then pour in the batter. Bake for 15-20 minutes until nicely browned on top and HUGELY PUFFY!

Eat 'em up, yum, with yogurt and fruit and anything else you like on eggy pancakey things

Sympathy

[incandescens]

I think that all mothers have moments of feeling trapped -- though I admit I lack any personal experience in the field. Hugs.

Re: Sympathy

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Hee. *hugs* Personal experience isn't always necessary for support or understanding. And those are pretty precious in and of themselves.

thanks!!