(no subject)

[liralen]

Weird dream this morning, that kind of hurt... oddly. Dreamed I was a a huge convention for a hundred-plus person LARP, and everyone had to write a description of their character without knowing 'what' they were going to be by the hidden system rules. Everyone had a one on one interview with one of the GMs and I sat down with mine and he gave me a list of word/concepts, as I was painting the concept on the paper by the word. This list was going to describe my character. He did share a review of, "You wrote about nothing important in this guy's life... only all the inane details."

Not that they'd given me any clue as to what was important or not... but so it is.

I ended up deciding not to play. Mostly stemming from a violent admission that I can't role-play. I have no mannerisms, voices, dialects, or physical indicators of something different than what I am in a different situation with different capabilities. More like Bruce Willis or Arnold rather than Johnny Depp or Crewe... *grin*.

It hurt to 'realize' that. Maybe it's the 'perfectionists' storm' that ambar spoke about... just because I don't do it 'as well as' I really want to, going to the extreme of 'I can't roleplay' isn't helpful, and there is that huge load of self-hate that goes with that feeling. Amplified by my last trip to DDC, where, in one game, I just so didn't click it wasn't even funny.