No coat!

[liralen]

This morning it was 36 degrees out and Jet kicked, screamed and cried when I tried to put pants on him. He wanted SHORTS and he's coordinated enough, now, to skin out of his pants if he doesn't want them. So we ended up putting him in shorts. Then I managed to get a shirt on him, after he went through choosing five different ones in a row. I also managed to get a sweatshirt over his head, but when it came to a jacket or coat, he would NOT have it on.

Even when we got to to pre-school and it was misty and 36 out and he had goosebumps all over him. I presented two coats to him to see if he'd choose one. He looked at them, looked at me, and reached up to grab my sweater sleeve.

"This one."

"My coat?"

"Yeah."

So I took off my sweater, wrapped it around him, zipped it up, and tied the sleeves together in front of him. He looked amazingly smug and snug. The sweater went all the way to the tops of his shoes, so his bare legs were covered, along with the rest of him.

He'd found a solution to the problem that was different than any I'd offered. It's my new, Lands End cable cardigan, which is very solid, very warm, and quite washable. When he trooped off into the backyard of the pre-school area, the teacher said, "I'm a little concerned that it will get stretched and sandy."

I nodded, "Probably, but it's okay, he's warm."

Comments

[niherlas.livejournal.com]

*laughter*

Of course - presented with options, the child will eschew them and choose what the parent has. I wouldn't be surprised if he was testing, assuming you'd decline to hand over your own sweater, since he'd been so contrary in the morning.

Nathan will be there soon enough. At 6 months, he was lunging for my bowl of Thai Chicken soup last night, even after he'd had a small bowl of rice cereal and a 6 oz bottle.

Gotta say, it's nice to have you and Stella around to scout out the territory that we'll be entering soon enough.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... I don't actually know what Jet's thought processes are. I have no idea what he might have assumed or not assumed. I was really happy, though, with the fact that he seemed to understand the problem of him being too cold, and that he found a solution. While the solution was outside of the box I'd drawn, it was still a solution. And I try to reward that kind of thinking, as it's a value of mine.

As far as testing goes, I think every child that isn't cowed into submission will test. Children who are encouraged to be themselves, own their own emotions, and given lots of opportunities to exert their own influence and 'power' often test/try everything.

I've heard far too many parents use the word 'testing' as if it's a bad thing... as if it's subversive or as if the kid has some underlying desire to simply never do what the parent wants them to do, rather than just a desire to see what happens if they thwart the obvious will of their parents. They want to know what happens, what the consequences really are. From what I've seen, kids don't really know what a rule means until they test it, and for good reason. Okay... so hitting is bad... but hugging is good... so touching is okay, but touching gradually faster and faster and harder and harder gets to a point, sometimes entirely arbitrary, where the parent calls it 'hitting' and that's bad.

Of course a kid that subsequently gets disproportionate consequences will stop hitting, and with extreme punishiment even touching, entirely... and, sure enough, that kid'll likely 'test' less, and stay on the safe side of the boundary as much as possible.

But a kid that gets calm, consistant feedback will test other things to see what happens there. They're harder to 'keep up with', and they aren't going to 'obey' a darned thing. But I've really seen a very clear difference between his self-confidence in new situations and other kids'. It's funny, because with Fezzik, my dog, we always said that he was very polite but never obedient. That seems to be what we now have with Jet.

Which may have had absolutely nothing to do with your usage of testing, but it's just the kinds of usage I've heard from parents of other young kids. Especially the parent that's extremely proud that they've really been riding their young boy to make sure he behaves, only to see that same boy flounder in situations that he doesn't know the boundaries, yet, and is terrified to try them to see what he might do. Like karate class or sports or even scholastics. Then those same parents wonder what's wrong with the kid, why doesn't he have any confidence, they're cheering for him that should be enough, right?

Ahem. I guess you hit a sore spot with me... *grin* Sorry about that...

[niherlas.livejournal.com]

Nope, didn't have a thing to do with my usage of testing - but I'm glad to see it's a sore spot with you. To be honest, I would have written a clearer reply the first time if I hadn't been stealing moments at work. :)

The first thing that actually went through my head when I read your post was, "Damn, that kid'll kick the Kobayashi Maru scenario's arse." Heh.

Testing limits is an important part of.. hell, living. With a child, they're learning how the world works (gravity check!). What acceptable behaviour is. And while you give an example of the child who is continually circumscribed and is unable to cope in a new situation, there's also the opposite extreme (which I've seen firsthand) of the child who is given virtually no limits and is equally unable to cope because they have no anchor on which to base understanding. We all need some amount of structure - some discovered, some taught, and the balance varies from person to person, situation to situation.

I'll still hold by my "Mommy and Daddy's Stuff is Best" assertation, tho. :) Cause Mom and Dad can do all kinds of things that "I" can't do, they know all these things, they're so big - why shouldn't their stuff be better?

Heh.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

*giggles* I like your reasoning. That could well be!

Yeah.. work does that to my coherence, too... and, yeah, a lot, about the balance thing. It's a hard call to make a lot of the time, too. I often have a hard time figuring out which is which...

[marith.livejournal.com]

You are SO COOL. Do you know how few parents would let their kid choose an off-the-wall option like that, never mind wear their own clothes? :)

And thanks for your comments earlier. *Hug* Your parents are so much like mine sometimes it's spooky.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

I have an idea as to how few parents would. I'd like to think that most of the Horde parents would have no trouble with it. All that thinking outside the box stuff never hurts in these situations, and recognizing it in ones child.

What impresses me is that he seems to have understood the base problem, and while being two means that he had to try something other than what I wanted him to do, he was willing to try and solve the real problem anyway. That was what was so cool about the whole thing. I can work with that.

Plus, it doesn't hurt for him to know that he's more important to me than a sweater.

You're also really, really welcome to the earlier comments. *hugs* It's so true.