(no subject)

[liralen]

Weird dream this morning, that kind of hurt... oddly. Dreamed I was a a huge convention for a hundred-plus person LARP, and everyone had to write a description of their character without knowing 'what' they were going to be by the hidden system rules. Everyone had a one on one interview with one of the GMs and I sat down with mine and he gave me a list of word/concepts, as I was painting the concept on the paper by the word. This list was going to describe my character. He did share a review of, "You wrote about nothing important in this guy's life... only all the inane details."

Not that they'd given me any clue as to what was important or not... but so it is.

I ended up deciding not to play. Mostly stemming from a violent admission that I can't role-play. I have no mannerisms, voices, dialects, or physical indicators of something different than what I am in a different situation with different capabilities. More like Bruce Willis or Arnold rather than Johnny Depp or Crewe... *grin*.

It hurt to 'realize' that. Maybe it's the 'perfectionists' storm' that ambar spoke about... just because I don't do it 'as well as' I really want to, going to the extreme of 'I can't roleplay' isn't helpful, and there is that huge load of self-hate that goes with that feeling. Amplified by my last trip to DDC, where, in one game, I just so didn't click it wasn't even funny.

Comments

[traveller-blues.livejournal.com]

Weirder still, considering that I had a LARP dream on Saturday night, myself... gotta love a hotel that has rooms with doors disguised as fireplaces, and GMs who use helium filled balloons to have drifting thought balloon clues...

-Traveller

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Wow. That *is* weird.

[gregbo.livejournal.com]

I hope you don't think this is too personal, but I am curious ... why do you think you aren't able to roleplay? Maybe you aren't able to roleplay yet, because you need to practice. Which brings me to another question, suppose you could get better at roleplaying, but because you have to spend time practicing it, you don't spend as much time on EE, and you lose some ground there?

BTW, I'm not sure if you remember me, but I remember reading usenet posts of yours from around 15 years ago. I also met you at the Exploratorium during part of a Usenix conference.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Well... given that I'm no longer a EE... have been software for the last ten years, I think... and moving into technical writing, which is even further removed from the hard reality of circuits. I don't think I'd mind that. What I'd mind is the time away from Jet and my family, I think.

I've been role-playing, in some form or another for about 25 years. Still, it's true that I feel like I'm not really a RPG player that's any good. So it is. Maybe it's more a failing of self-esteem than actual capability.

I remember the Exploritorium! And the whole gathering, but I don't really remember specific people from it anymore. It's been a while. *grin* But it's good to know that the old usenet folks of long-ago are still active and moving onto the new mediums.

[gregbo.livejournal.com]

BTW, space_parasite and I have the same grandboss.