Bad Feeling Day...
Oct. 1st, 2004 03:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
liralenJet, our alarm clock, didn't get up until 8 am, because it was overcast this morning. It's the first time in a while when I woke up going, "Shit, I'm supposed to BE IN a meeting right now."
I threw myself out the door, had a good, productive meeting, then ran another one, then finished off the hanging threads from the first...
and realized I'd stood up my division director (my new boss) for our 1:1. I hate that.
I walked in and apologized. He was fine with it, and had gotten something done that he'd really wanted done. We had ten good minutes and he was dragged off to another meeting. Poor guy.
Then I had a horrible afternoon of guilt and rage. Just me wallowing in the fact that I fucked up. There's some part of my brain beating on me for even TRYING these exhaulted altitudes because I MIGHT FAIL. (stupid brain bit) I hate not being able to fix things that have already happened. I had lunch. It was a beer and brat lunch for the site. Then I worked on stuff, and missed a class I wanted to go to from 2-4 as there's just too fucking much to get done.
On Monday, I get to make a presentation to the boss of my boss and that person's staff. I'm scared to death. I'm going to practice over the weekend. I'll do fine. I'm still scared.
It's a bit too much on top of everything else to even contemplate it. Like a still, snapped mousetrap in the corner. I just don't have the guts to look sometimes. Other times I'm brave brave brave. Right now I'm too run down to be brave anymore.
I threw myself out the door, had a good, productive meeting, then ran another one, then finished off the hanging threads from the first...
and realized I'd stood up my division director (my new boss) for our 1:1. I hate that.
I walked in and apologized. He was fine with it, and had gotten something done that he'd really wanted done. We had ten good minutes and he was dragged off to another meeting. Poor guy.
Then I had a horrible afternoon of guilt and rage. Just me wallowing in the fact that I fucked up. There's some part of my brain beating on me for even TRYING these exhaulted altitudes because I MIGHT FAIL. (stupid brain bit) I hate not being able to fix things that have already happened. I had lunch. It was a beer and brat lunch for the site. Then I worked on stuff, and missed a class I wanted to go to from 2-4 as there's just too fucking much to get done.
On Monday, I get to make a presentation to the boss of my boss and that person's staff. I'm scared to death. I'm going to practice over the weekend. I'll do fine. I'm still scared.
It's a bit too much on top of everything else to even contemplate it. Like a still, snapped mousetrap in the corner. I just don't have the guts to look sometimes. Other times I'm brave brave brave. Right now I'm too run down to be brave anymore.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-10-01 02:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:17 pm (UTC)Thank you! This kind of feedback means the world to me.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-01 04:16 pm (UTC)Clearly, what happened here wasn't a failing... you just got the day off to a hurried start and it cascaded out. Lesson learned - Jet is not a good alarm clock anymore. :)
You really are an amazing, intelligent and competent person. One of my true heroes... and one of those people I'm always stunned to realize I actually know.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:19 pm (UTC)And, yeah, history is history and I should just leave what I can't do anything about.
*blush* to the last sentence. And thank you!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-01 05:01 pm (UTC)..but even I got trumped by the coworker who missed a plane flight because he overslept.
-Traveller
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:19 pm (UTC)He was great about it. Now I just have to make it up to him for my own sake.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-01 05:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:21 pm (UTC)*hugs*
Yes, you got it, exactly. I think it's mostly a process of getting so that I recognize them more readily with practice...
no subject
Date: 2004-10-02 01:07 am (UTC)Been reading and, unfortunately not commenting alot due to time constraints, but I absolutely love your narratives -- especially those involving Jet. You do a fantastic job of presenting his perceptions as well as freshness of his responses.
And, since it's 0103 PDT/0203MDT of October 2nd, 2004...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
I still remember...even if I've been lax in sending B-day greetings over the years.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-05 12:22 pm (UTC)Happy Birthday
Date: 2004-10-02 07:12 am (UTC)Re: Happy Birthday
Date: 2004-10-05 12:23 pm (UTC)