Once Upon a Time In Mexico
Nov. 23rd, 2005 10:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
liralenLoved it. Lots. Quirky, crazy humor and "action fantasy" galore. And, wow, about the Depp character. More than I had hoped it would be with the inclusion, on the DVD of Robert Rodriguez talking about how film is dead, showing off his home studio for digital movies, and the whole ten minute lesson on how to shoot flicks. It's pretty amazing. Made me think, a lot of "Six String Samuri" and how much easier and cheaper it would be to do now.
Now I want to make movies of games I've been in. Not star in 'em, but just make 'em, plot 'em, shoot 'em, score and chop chop chop with my viewpoint and sense of what's beautiful.
Technology's the easy part for me, the pumping back up of the artistic side of me is the hard thing, especially while I'm burning out about people. There's a really respected technical writer that was in one of my classes in the last week, and my mug came back from Crack Pots and she peered at it, "Hmm... artistic and technical. You should be very, very scary..."
But I'm not. I am, however, burning out. When I have four scarves to make for Jet's teachers and I'm dreaming of burning scarves being rescued by Harry's friends it's kind of funny. But when I'm doing a 'simple' six-step chocolate torte and don't even LOOK for the eggs until I realize I'm missing some, that's bad. This is a torte I've made several times and it's drop dead simple, melt chocolate and butter together, add some flavorings, separate four eggs (I messed up one white/yolk yeesh I never do that), beat the yolks with sugar and the chocolate and a few tablespoons of flour and nut meal, whip the whites with acid and sugar, and then fold together and bake. I was ready to throw the whole thing out by step three, and I'm never that way with chocolate.
Okay, so John has the kitchen sink out and I can not use a kitchen sink, just the laundry room tub. Okay, my arms and shoulders hurt from all the scarves (the teachers loved the scarves, and Jet loved handing them out to everyone). Okay, it's already nearly 9:30 and Jet's supposed to be going to bed. Okay...
But I don't think that would have afffected me without the work burnout, too. I did just do it. I am now done with the cake and it looks pretty good. Two pumpkin pies in the morning, and another day without the sink, but that does mean we get to go out to eat. Not a terrible deal.
What is terrible, though, is realizing that if I keep my job the way it is I'm going to be so burnt out on people that I won't be able to go to Cons. I've been making excuses that involve Jet the last few years, but I'm realizing, now, that I've hit a hard line where it's just HARD for me to go out on a limb and meet new people and be pleasant and try and accomidate their expectations of me. It's really hard to even be as friendly and energetic as I usually am, and harder yet to stay away from cynacism and real depression about people. It's weird.
But I'm pretty sure that so long as I'm working the way I've been working my introverted bits are being so darn starved I'm not going to be good for much other than meeting up with people I know and whom I know I am not going to disappoint. That was good on my trip to Carl's, as that fulfilled that in spades. I loved that, but Cons are going to be harder for me.
Okay, okay, so doing movies would involve people, too. But I can dream, can't I?
Now I want to make movies of games I've been in. Not star in 'em, but just make 'em, plot 'em, shoot 'em, score and chop chop chop with my viewpoint and sense of what's beautiful.
Technology's the easy part for me, the pumping back up of the artistic side of me is the hard thing, especially while I'm burning out about people. There's a really respected technical writer that was in one of my classes in the last week, and my mug came back from Crack Pots and she peered at it, "Hmm... artistic and technical. You should be very, very scary..."
But I'm not. I am, however, burning out. When I have four scarves to make for Jet's teachers and I'm dreaming of burning scarves being rescued by Harry's friends it's kind of funny. But when I'm doing a 'simple' six-step chocolate torte and don't even LOOK for the eggs until I realize I'm missing some, that's bad. This is a torte I've made several times and it's drop dead simple, melt chocolate and butter together, add some flavorings, separate four eggs (I messed up one white/yolk yeesh I never do that), beat the yolks with sugar and the chocolate and a few tablespoons of flour and nut meal, whip the whites with acid and sugar, and then fold together and bake. I was ready to throw the whole thing out by step three, and I'm never that way with chocolate.
Okay, so John has the kitchen sink out and I can not use a kitchen sink, just the laundry room tub. Okay, my arms and shoulders hurt from all the scarves (the teachers loved the scarves, and Jet loved handing them out to everyone). Okay, it's already nearly 9:30 and Jet's supposed to be going to bed. Okay...
But I don't think that would have afffected me without the work burnout, too. I did just do it. I am now done with the cake and it looks pretty good. Two pumpkin pies in the morning, and another day without the sink, but that does mean we get to go out to eat. Not a terrible deal.
What is terrible, though, is realizing that if I keep my job the way it is I'm going to be so burnt out on people that I won't be able to go to Cons. I've been making excuses that involve Jet the last few years, but I'm realizing, now, that I've hit a hard line where it's just HARD for me to go out on a limb and meet new people and be pleasant and try and accomidate their expectations of me. It's really hard to even be as friendly and energetic as I usually am, and harder yet to stay away from cynacism and real depression about people. It's weird.
But I'm pretty sure that so long as I'm working the way I've been working my introverted bits are being so darn starved I'm not going to be good for much other than meeting up with people I know and whom I know I am not going to disappoint. That was good on my trip to Carl's, as that fulfilled that in spades. I loved that, but Cons are going to be harder for me.
Okay, okay, so doing movies would involve people, too. But I can dream, can't I?
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no subject
Date: 2005-11-26 04:42 am (UTC)Well, sounds like you've got the first step of IDing the problem done. Is there a way to tone down the more social/extroverted parts of your current position, or to at least discuss options with your boss? If that's not a workable thing in the short-term, are Cons something you'd be willing to put on hiatus or sacrifice for a year or so, however long until you can either make adjustments at work or transfer to a less strongly extrovert-based position?
Just thoughts. And I don't know if "scary" is quite the right word - impressive is a better adjective, I think, but still doesn't quite do you justice.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-27 02:36 am (UTC)I've been sacrificing Cons for the last year or two already, and I'll likely just keep doing it as it's just too hard to even contemplate at the moment and I'm well beyond the point where doing DunDraCon is even a remote possibility for this spring anyway. So I'll likely just keep skipping them for a while. I thought, though, that it would be good to give notice to folks here, first...
Thank you for your thoughts, they're very welcome.
*grin* about the "impressive". thank you.