(no subject)

[liralen]

It's been kind of insane the last few days. A Goodbye lunch on Monday, meetings every minute on Tuesday, and then on Wednesday it was all meetings and then a release party for lunch and bowling after, and then meetings every minute until 5pm.

I got a moment of calm in the evening when John gently shoo'ed me off to the knitting group. I knit and talked with the lady a lot. It was good. At one point she said, "Wow, you must have a lot of conflicting emotions now."

Wow. Yeah.

Ending and beginnings, figuring out what I am if I'm not working. Seeing more of how people value me along with seeing how I get replaced so completely. It's weird. Not good or bad, it all just is and there's a lot of stuff just happening, and lots of emotions getting triggered from it all, which are not all good or bad, they mostly just are. Some regret, some joy, some laughter, some sadness, some glee, some anger, some frustration, and some feeling of having failed by not doing everything I'd *wanted* to do and seeing some of those things really being taken over by others that do it in ways I wouldn't have. Which isn't a bad thing, as some of the other approaches are better than what I would have attempted.

Comments

Mixed Emotions

[sjgross.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that you have the opportunity to take a leave of absense. I also think it takes a lot of courage to make such a huge change to your life.

There are so many parts to you that I'm sure its difficult to stop focusing on your professional/work side, since in this country we are so caught up in what we do for work.

But just take a moment and think about all the things that you do that have nothing to do with your work. You will still be able to define yourself as an artist, a writer, a mother, etc.

I'm going to paraphrase a bit of advice you gave me once. You said that I should focus on what I could do, not what I couldn't. My advice to you is to focus on (and enjoy) the things that you will be doing, not the things that you won't be doing any more.

Take care,

Susan

Re: Mixed Emotions

[liralen.livejournal.com]

*hugs* thanks!

It's good to be reminded. *grin*

BIG CHANGE=Confusion and dismay. It's good to remember that, too.

[kjc007.livejournal.com]

Change is scary!

It's ok to be scared. And excited and freaked and all the different emotions.

I think it's good to reflect on 'em, but I've been told (often) that I think to much. So it'd be ok to just let them flow through you as well. Whatever works best for you or feels right in the moment.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you.

That helps to just have the support as I freak out a bit. And everyone else keeps thinking about how happy I should be. *grin*.

[writeanya.livejournal.com]

wow, you have a whole lot of Life rushing at you all at once. it is a gift and a huge challenge to balance so many opposing and diverse emotions and states existing in one space -- you! whew, i would be/feel so overwhelmed with emotion.

just think how you'll look back on this a couple months from now and how unreal it will seem, because you will have settled into your new normal and be there, in that.

sort of like having a new kidlet in your house, this big transition, and this big unknowing.

and look how well you did in that department!

when i have big change, i like to say "no" a lot, out of fear. no, don't make plans, no don't trim that huge tree, no, i'm not up to that. it is something i work on, letting go of the fear and considering that "yes" is as good as an answer. but sometimes just hunkering down for awhile is good, too, running with the whim of your moods as you shift into this new place.

be kind to yourself, and let yourself get used to your new life, one step at a time. no expectations...

i'm SO excited for you, and this opportunity. just think how pleased jet is going to be to have both of you around. yay for you and your family!

*hugs, hugs, hugs*

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Mmmm... *hugs* many back. *grin*

Thank you!! It is a lot like getting a new kidlet. Meep!

Big Life Change is like that, I guess.

Thank you!! *hugs* again.