Doctor's

[liralen]

I had a doctor's appointment this morning for my allergy and asthma, and I thought I was over my cold, but the breathing tests were really, really depressing. I'm back down to just 66% of my lung capacity even after a nebulizer with long and short-term drugs. With the asthma I've been having lately, and the cold, maybe that's the cause, and the doc took a look at me and said, "There's still an active infection going on back here, how about we give you an antibiotic?"

So I now have that, AND another asthma/lung capacity drug, and I'm oddly depressed.

I mean... I should be happy that we're addressing it, and that when I got back in two weeks, I'll probably be better off, but part of me was feeling all right, you know? And to have it brought to light that I'm really, really NOT all right just... bleh.

I should just write it off as more experience or something.



<rant>
And, yeah, in case anyone wanted to know. When I read a fic that has Ukitake whining, "Why me?" in it, I want to hit something. Really, really hard. Just so you know, because it is the stupidest question in the world, and solves nothing if he gets an answer, and only serves to take energy away from what can be done. I'm okay if he's angry or depressed at a setback or just tired, but that particular phrase really sets me off. He's a fighter, damnit, not a whiner. Thank you.
</rant>

ytd wordcount: 53,992

Comments

[gokuma.livejournal.com]

I think that he's waaaaay after all possible "why-mes". His illness is really serious but he's learnt how to live with it. Otherwise he wouldn't be strong enough to survive all these years (millenia!)

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Exactly!!

I have to agree, in spades.

[morgainelefae.livejournal.com]

*hugs* You're in my thoughts and I'm rooting for you!!

Also, yeah- I don't blame you for wanting to hit something reading that. Not only is it a poor representation of the character, but it's just a negative mindset to be presenting. It doesn't drive plot, it doesn't fit with the character, and that kind of thinking never helps anything. :T Blegh.

Anyway. I like and admire you. A lot. :)

[karadin.livejournal.com]

THIS. what does not kill Ukitake makes him stronger.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

So true...

Thank you!!

[liralen.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Yeah... it just doesn't really fit the character. *laughs*

Awww.. &hearts: Thank you!! :-)

[2metaldog.livejournal.com]

The only why me I could see him uttering is in response to an unexpected person's attentions of a romantic nature.

He deals with his illness. When you have something chronic, you fast learn that the why me thing is pointless and generally switch to what can I do to maximize my breathing/mobility/mentality.

I think this might bug you more than others because you live with breathing issues and it is what you need to do. It bugs me for basically the same reason. I've a host of medical issues but you learn to deal and move on or become an angry, bitter person and nothing in the anime/manga has suggested to me that Ukitake is that sort of individual.

*slinks off soap box*

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think you're right on the cause. It is because I know what I need to do, and, yeah, I have noticed that it's never in your fic, or for that matter, your journal either. We deal.

*grins far too much at the first*

Yes. I stand corrected, and I love how, too. Thank you, that would be a perfect scenario for him to actually say those words and mean it. ♥

Thank you!

[2metaldog.livejournal.com]

I will bitch and moan if I'm having a really bad day with assorted body ills, but everybody does that.

*snicker* You should write a fic with that as the theme. It would be very cool....

[liralen.livejournal.com]

*grins at you* I should. It would be very amusing....

Yeah. Heck I'm doing that here. *laughs*

It's good to get the kind of comments that make it easier for me to just keep going, though, too. For that I'm thankful that folks don't mind a little bitch and moan. *grins*

[cmc42.livejournal.com]

Ugh. The Ukitake thing reminds me of this comment a certain author has up on their FFNet profile:-

"I think Ukitake is the cutest when we all make him seem much more girly and Fragile."

>__________

[liralen.livejournal.com]

*headdesks*

I'm.. uhm...

Thank you. You have put this all in perspective.

I am grateful that I have not seen that profile...

*hugs you* Thank you!

[cmc42.livejournal.com]

^^;; *hugs*

If you think that's bad you don't want to see their fics xD;;

[liralen.livejournal.com]

XDD!!

You're entirely correct.

[cmc42.livejournal.com]

xD;;

[kiria-dk.livejournal.com]

*twitch*

Um.

What part of millenia-old Shinigami Captain does this author not understand!? My mind, it boggles. Millenia-old pretty much dismisses any suggestion of fragility. On the contrary, if he's been around that long while being freaking sick, it means he's that much stronger! Captain: also with the non-fragile. Try more like insanely powerful and keeps it really well under control! Also, he has a penis! This makes him not a girl. I have no problem with girly-boys who are designed that way, but Ukitake is not one of them. Grr! Arg!

/rant

Eh heh. I would like to thank the choir for listening to me... *slinks off*

[liralen.livejournal.com]

I agree so much. *grins*

So very, very much.

[sophiap.livejournal.com]

Gah. I'm so sorry about the diagnosis. Yeah, addressing it is great but still...

And I'm sitting here boggling at that Ukitake thing. I could maybe see him going "why me?" in exasperation over something relatively minor (Shunsui's behavior, his third seats' shenanigans) before moving on and dealing with it (or making other people clean up their own messes). But no, not a whiner.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Yeah... you have it. *laughs* Addressing is great, but still...

*grins*

This is why it's so much fun working with you and Genevieve. *grins* I love all the reasons you come up with for why he'd be exasperated at something. *grins* *happy sighs*

Thank you!

[flit.livejournal.com]

I find it extra-hard when I get worse after I've been better, so it's not just you. I do vow that if I get better again, I will at least *try* to spend less time worrying about when I'm going to get worse again, and more time *enjoying* being better.

I am glad that you're dealing with the infection though, and I hope that brings your lung capacity back up! Blow out all the candles! (I don't know if your breathing test does that, but mine has a computer with a breath flow analyzer that puts candles on the screen and you try to blow them all out in one breath.)

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Ooo... there's a little fireman in mine... and the flames kind of waver.. *laughs and laughs*

I like candles better!! I should visualize *candles*... *grins*

Thank you, that helps a lot to know it's not just me that this hits hard, too. It hit badly last spring as well, I am not as good about being active during the winter, and I do lose some capacity from just not swimming and riding and all that... but... yeah, I'd been feeling better so far as the breathing, I thought, until this week with the cold.

That's a great point though. It would be more useful enjoying the time when I feel better.

Thank you!! I'll do my best!

[mei-yanohi.livejournal.com]

That's such a disheartening feeling... I really hope you get better soon. I'll be thinking of you!

I feel like you must read a lot of Ukitake fic and find yourself raising an eyebrow. I know the way some people portray Shunsui handling his condition puts a bad taste in my mouth.

[incandescens]

"Quick, my love!" Shunsui declared. "I have found a cure for your illness! Now we can be together forever, my Jyuu-kun!"

When later asked how he'd known that it was Aizen under an illusion and struck to kill, Ukitake murmured something about small but telling errors in characterisation.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

*just falls over laughing*

You are my hero, incandescens.

I love this so much.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!

Uhm... yeah... I think you got it right on the head with the latter.

I especially have a hard time if a Shunsui takes the "I can't handle the thought of you dying!!" route. I mean, come on, they're *military men*. They're supposed to be putting their lives on the line when everything comes down, how can you be involved with someone like that and not have *some* resignation about the mortality of ones lover? That just makes me shake my head for entirely different reasons.

*laughs*

Thank you for letting me vent...

[incandescens]

I entirely agree. "Why me?" is one of the last things he'd ever say.

. . . of course, now I have to write a fic to help you convalesce where he says "Why me?" in a good way, I suppose? :)

Get well! And much sympathy.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Ooooo... *giggles* I love that, but I shall not hold you to it. *grins* I'm contemplating a go at it while I recover as well, it's a nice thing to think about.

You already did, in a way. *laughs* I loved your mis-characterization so very much. That's helping me with adjusting to the new meds. Grr. Argh.

[momijizukamori]

Hm. I have to wonder how many of those authors are teenagers, because to me it's a very teenager sort of sentiment.

And frustrating on the health issues, but at least it's something relatively easy to take care of?

[liralen.livejournal.com]

It's more like a 'never dealt with something chronic or could kill you' sort of thing.

I mean, most of the folks I've helped through cancer treatments or dying from AIDs have had some "why me" at the beginning with the diagnosis and immediately after, but once they get through the mourning and acceptance, especially once they're on to treatment, they usually don't look back to that stage. And if Jyuushiro's been living with it for millennium, it seems absurd.

Well... the two-thirds lung capacity at 5000 ft altitude is... a little weird as, in a way, I'm missing most of a lung. Most of the time I can manage it with exercise, drugs, and allergy shots; but whenever I get ill extra problems can arise, and it gets tricky. 70% lung capacity is the borderline for "functional", and below that line it means that I really have to make an effort to exercise and stuff or I get lots of dreams of smothering.

I have a bunch of permanent lung function loss, that's just... well... reality, and I can give you a list an arm long on the probable causes, but suffice it to say that's where I just have to start.

[momijizukamori]

Mm, or that. I was just...incredibly reminded of myself as a teenager, heh. (which was in part the untreated depression, and part a teenage tendancy to think of everything wrong as the end of the world).

And okay, that's seriously shitty :( Multicellularity: not always working in our favor.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Aww... sorry about the untreated depression! That really sucks...

But, yes, you make an excellent point with that tendency! I appreciate the reminder. *thoughtfuls* And, you're entirely right.

Eh. It's... it *is* manageable, and most of the time it doesn't bother me in the least. On the most part I do what I really want to do, and just make sure I get enough exercise (even when I don't want to). I just know that, yeah, that's my likely fail-first point. *laughs* I love how you put it, yes... multicellularity does not always work in our favor... *laughs*

*hugs* Thanks. It's good for me to talk this through, too.

[momijizukamori]

It did, although in retrospect I'm mostly just sad over the number of friendships that got destroyed because depression and social anxiety are a really bad combo for relationships. But now I know my neurochemistry is just really messed up, and I have drugs for it, and it's generally a lot easier to be rational about it, even when I'm feeling lousy. Being able to say 'Okay, I'm really upset because of X thing, and while it's bad, at least some of it is just in my head and it's not actually the end of the world' is remarkably liberating. Still haven't figured out the 'I want to sleep fourteen hours a night every night' thing, but...working on that one :P

Good you can deal with it, then :) And hey, if talking about it helps, go for it!

It's really true, and a point one of my cell bio friends who is very fond of single-celled organisms points out - the more parts there are in the system, the easier it is for something to go wrong. Like human spines - the configuration we have worked fine when we were monkeys using all four limbs equally, but switch to bipedalism, and there's a lot of stresses on it that, that it has problems handling. But unfortunately we can't go back and re-evolve something that works better.

(is my biology major showing through yet XD?)

[bloodthirstylt.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*
Your in my thoughts. I hope the evil infections leave you alone. I grrrs at them.

Yeah, it makes me want to hit stuff really hard too. I had him utter that in one rp, but it was a sarcastic one since he had finally just found the reincarnated Kaien and then was about to die himself.... but grrrr to the people who write him so out of character.

I have always been in awe of his strength and yours.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

*hugs you warmly*

*nods at that* That would be rough on him... and yeah... that might fit as it's all a new circumstance.

Thank you!!

[7veilsphaedra.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that you are battling an infection, and I can see why you're disheartened. I hope your antibiotics work well without taking a toll on the other subtle balances in the body. I hope you get the rest you need, and that your life circumstances are stress-free for awhile until this clears up. I hope you recover the use of your lungs.

[liralen.livejournal.com]

Thank you, so much, for your hopes!! And even more for your understanding of the low as well.

Those are marvelous hopes. The antibiotics are, of course, knocking me for a loop, as usual, but they seem to be doing what they're supposed to be as well. For that I am thankful. More sleep is definitely forthcoming as next week is spring break for the sprout, and he likes to let me sleep in when I can.

Thank you, very much for that last hope as well, I'll do my best to do what I can.